Query Critique 2

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Super helpful critiques from Kyra Nelson, who interned at a literary agent. MIND WITCH is my most recent project.

Captain (Query) Hook

I’m so impressed to have  another query to critique so soon. At some point I’ll probably go to only doing one or two critiques a week. But as I’m building the blog, I’m going to try doing as many as possible. In other words, now is a great time to submit. See the query critiques link at the top for details.

My comments are in green.


At five years old, Zéphyrine’s father told her to throw an emperor out a window. At seven, she was commanded to brainwash her brother into submission. At twelve, she was forced to do the same to her sister; countless others followed. Although I get that the emperor thing is supposed to establish how cruel her father is, it’s a little distracting to me (it doesn’t seem to have much to do with the main plot, and since she was five, I’m guessing she didn’t…

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